First of all, Merry Christmas to you and all your family, friends, and even those few who you see once or twice a year. Everyone deserves a Merry Christmas. And I sincerely hope that Santa brings you everything you deserve – and if coal, sorry, the price has dropped through the floor due to the clean air bill.
When this season rolls around I have some fun with an old (in the blog-a-sphere three years is old) blog, I just have to reprise my little bit on the high-speed rail. Many have not had the pleasure of the post but I do have to add that some have objected to the flat out theft from the wondrous Midwestern writer and humorous Jean Shepherd. I make no apologies.
And this year there seems to be some adults who now have come to see Santa, especially Sacramento County Superior Court Judge Michael Kenny who has told Santa and the elves in no uncertain terms - "Show me the Money!"
A Toy Train for ChristmasThe Parts and Players:
Santa Claus (The Big Guy) – Washington D.C. and California Governor Brown
Santa’s Helpers (men and women politicians in elf costumes) – State Governments and their minions
Billy (Good Little Boy) and Tiffany (Good Little Girl) – California, Florida, Washington State, Illinois, New York, et all
Sally (Not so Good Little Girl) – Ohio and Wisconsin and after late fall 2013, a California judge
Toy Train – High Speed Rail
Santa’s huge toyshop in one of America's really big department stores; a long line of children wait to tell Santa what they really, really want for Christmas.
The first child climbs up on Santa’s knee with the help of one of the elves.
“And what’s your name little boy?”
“Billy, Santa Claus, Billy.”
“Have you been good?”
“Oh yes Santa, I have been very, very good.”
“Excellent Billy, excellent, and what do you want for Christmas?
“Oh Santa I want an erector set to build bridges for my brother, a whole village of affordable dollhouses for my little sister, and a turkey with all the stuff and stuffing for my dad, see he’s lost his job.”
“I’m sorry to hear about that, I’ll see what I can do. Billy, you want so much for your family and that’s good, very good, but Billy, what do you want for being so good?”
Billy thought for a moment then turned his head to Santa with a huge smile. “Santa I want a toy train. It would be the most wonderfulous thing in the whole world, a toy train that I can play with, run the track all through my room and maybe even in the hallway. It just has to be the most special and wondrous train, all shiny and sparkly and new. And, oh, oh, Santa that would be so great and it would be real cool ‘cause none of friends would have a train like it and they all would wan’na come over and see it and play with me in my room. Please Santa, please.”
“But Billy I gave you a set of Hot Wheels and racetrack a few years ago and a really cool airplane and terminal set last year. Aren’t they fun to play with anymore?”
“Nah, Santa. I broke the racetrack and the planes just aren’t any fun anymore, but a toy train would be real cool, did I say the other kids would wan’na come over and see it.”
“Yes you did, but Billy, that is a very big toy for someone your size.”
“No. I’m a big boy, see!” Billy puffed himself up real big.
“Yes, I guess you are, now that you are all puffed up. Yes, Billy, Santa has to agree that you are a big boy now and can take care of such a wonderfulous toy. Santa will see what he can do. Just watch for a big ‘green’ box under your Christmas tree.”
“Oh thank you Santa, thank you.”
Billy, with the help of the elves (who were all smiling and singing I've Been Working on the Railroad), climbed off Santa’s knee and slid down the slide into a huge pile of ‘green’ cotton candy. Billy was in heaven.
The next child in line wasn’t sure about Santa, he was so big and his suit was all red and furry. The bells on all the elves (who were scurrying about still talking about the good little boy, Billy) jingled and jangled creating such a wondrous din. This all scared the little girl. When the elves helped her onto Santa’s knee, Santa wasn’t sure what was going to happen. He was afraid for his suit.
“And what’s your name little girl?”
“Sally,” she said quietly, still shaking.
“That’s a pretty name, have you been a good little girl?”
Sally thought for a moment. She looked at the Big Guy and all the elves dressed in 'green' elf costumes, 'green' cotton candy billowed all around them, it was a wondrous sight.
“Santa, I have not been a good little girl. I have saved my lunch money and not given it to my friends at school like my teacher says I should. I used it to help my dad and I bought him a new tie, he was trying to get a job, and he did Santa, he was so happy. And I yelled at my brother when he bought some ice cream just after he had a whole mouthful of candy. So you see, I have not been a good girl.”
“I see, yes Sally, those aren’t good things to do, you should always mind your teacher, they know everything.”
“But Sally, the elves and I know you can improve and be a better human being and we know you want something for Christmas. Billy, that fine young man, who sat on this very knee just before you; see, he's playing in the 'green' cotton candy, said all he wanted was a toy train, all shiny and sparkly and new. Wouldn’t you want a toy train? Santa has a whole box full of them at the North Pole.”
Sally thought for another moment then looked over at the next child standing in line, her name was Tiffany. She wore a bright new dress and was all smiles.
“Can you hurry Sally?” Tiffany demanded, stamping her shiny Mary-Janes. “I just have to talk to Santa and, unlike you, I have been a very good little girl.” Even the elves could hear Tiffany’s strong Valley Girl accent.
Sally looked back at Santa. “Santa, I really don’t want a toy train; I know that if I get it my parents will have to buy more track so that I can run it down the hallway and then I will have to get more cars and a new engine and then I will have to buy one of those fancy train stations and I will have to get a little bridge to run the train over the other tracks and then a crossing thing with arms that go up and down and then I will have to get a huge box to keep them it and besides, it will be fun for a little while, then I will get bored and want something new and then it will just sit around and be in the way and besides it will only go in a circle and not really go anywhere really fast.”
Santa was shocked; not because she said it all in one sentence and one breath, it was because everyone wanted a toy train, that’s why he had a box full.
“Sally, you just aren’t a very good girl; you only think of yourself and not others.”
Sally was saddened to hear that from Santa who had always been a hero to her.
“Santa,” Sally said, “why don’t you give the toy train to Tiffany, she is always a good little girl and wears really nice clothes, nice shoes, has a wonderful tan, and always has a smile now that her braces have been removed. I think she gives her lunch money to the teacher who uses it for good things. Yes, Tiffany is a good little girl, give her the toy train. She deserves it and besides I have heard that her parents are real rich and can buy her all the track and stations she wants.”
Santa was very pleased, he had so many trains to give away and the line of good little boys and girls disappeared around the ‘green’ cotton candy mountain.
Santa, pulled from his reverie thinking of all the good he can do, felt a tug on his sleeve; Sally looked up at him with her sad eyes. “Santa I really don’t want anything for myself, but if you can, my little brother wants a Red Ryder BB Rifle.”
Santa was stunned and outraged beyond belief what his ears had heard. He pushed Sally slid off his knee and past all the 'green' cotton candy and watched as she crawled to the slide and started down its slippery surface. But she stopped just for second and took one last look at the Big Guy and all the wondrous elves and the piles of 'green' cotton candy and heard them exclaim ere she slid out of sight, “Sally, you’ll shoot your eye out.”
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
Stay Tuned . . . . . . . .